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Fugitive Fragments 
This is one of the best poems I have come across — the imagination, sophistication. And as a former Classics minor at Univ of PA, of course I will love it. I do have a pointer on your largest paragraph. Quite a number of adjectives there. I think it would actually strengthen it to lose an adjective or two. Adj, not only adverbs, can be counterproductive. Easily overdone.
You’d think I don’t know how to keep my readers. I gamble it, in meaning to be helpful. I’d love you to delete the suggestion part of the comment.
Thank you for your kind words and evaluation. Critical analysis is always welcome here and I can see exactly what you’re talking about. I’m taking this on board and going for a rewrite. Stay tuned…and thanks again.
You’re
the
best.
I think it would go over most people’s heads as readers lose themselves in the dazzle of the piece. But evaluating it the way you might prose, you would see less is more.
I know this rejoinder is not new to you in the least, Mike. But writing is endless reinforcement in timeless principles, isn’t it?
http://aholisticjourney.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/the-writing-process-save-spit-part-2/
I’m honored you would accept this word from me.
Stupendous and breathtaking. What a treat!
You’re very kind to say so Emmy, thank you so much.
Beauty itself came to life here.
Thank you ever so much for this overwhelming compliment. It made my day – even before breakfast!
YVW!!
Such strong feeling, to accompany such a beautiful poem.
Thank you Alisha, it was those strong feelings that led to the poem almost writing itself.
You are so welcome Mike!! It’s amazing to feel an emotion so deep as to capture it as beautiful as you did!! Bravo!! 🙂
This is stupendous, Mike. The second stanza is marvelous: umber, ochre, auric. Words so lovely to describe a blonde.
Also, as someone who also loves to end poems abruptly, I adore your final line “And I fain died a legion of little deaths”.
Thank you kindly Brent, I carried that image in the back of my mind for decades until it upped and blew my head off last week just like that. Life plays those little tricks on me from time to time – thank goodness. All of which makes your affirmations even more valued.
Perfect!
Much appreciated thank you.
You are a master of words and a genius at crafting true depth of emotion. Bravo! xo
Marry me.
I have never had a more flattering offer. 😉
This is absolutely gorgeous Mike. I am listening to Simon and Garfunkel and it has enhanced this piece greatly (not that it needed it at all).
Actually those two guys were charting around the time that this scene took place so you’re in the right groove. Thanks for your satisfying compliment.
So that those who had never even seen such beauty should know it. Superb, Mike.
What a wonderful interpretation that is – you read greater depth than I write and I appreciate your discovery of this additional element. Many thanks.
That’s brilliant!! So beautiful and so perfectly crafted! 🙂
A great compliment Helen, particularly as I’m still experimenting with less rigid styles. Thank you.
Wow. That was beautiful…
It always give me a buzz to see the little word with the double-double-u’s Crissy, much thanks.
Always a pleasure to read your work.
I love the flow of your writing, nothing forced. This piece is a gem.
I am delighted with your assessment and note your remark about ‘flow’ for future reference – many thanks.
Wonderful description. Even the pond concerned has been brought to life here. The depth of the last stanza captures and holds attention. and looked into the dictionary for many words:) Thanks
Many thanks n-l, I’ve been reading bits of Voltaire (for my sins) and jotted down some words that I thought had interesting sound qualities for poetry, so it’s a sort of deliberate accident that my lexicon here has a lot of mileage on it, lol.
You’re too kind Chris – many thanks.
Thank you for this piece Mike, you are a great man at driving me into the depths of the dictionary – how many more read your offerings and get the same inclination is something I would like to know? but will not admit it in public – continue to educate us with your posts.
Chris.
Yes, I had to reach for the dictionary too. Mike, you really made us work for it as well…no putting my finger on my ipad screen to bring up the definition…I had to search each word especially. Now, I’m more literate, I can say: great write 😊
Phew: I’m glad I’m not on my own.